Ouch, Thinking is Hard

Okay, I don't know about spiritual growth yet, but I am seeing some very strange things in my life without spider solitaire. I seem to have stopped wandering in here to play, but I find myself casting about for substitutes. I have been showing up at the frig more than usual. I'm watching boring and silly things on TV which I would not normally tolerate. I am surfing the web for just about anything. Hey, I tell myself, I like knitting, I'll search for free patterns online! So I spend an hour looking at sweaters although I don't especially want to knit one (did find two nice ones in spite of myself).

I have done some productive things around the house as well as a little good reading, but I am surprised how hard I work trying to distract myself from thinking. I have the gift of time to work through my ongoing midlife/career/creative crisis and I am avoiding it. The puzzle games are more fun because if you persevere you can solve them. Get the Right Answer. There are no guarantees like that in life. Maybe I'm afraid I'll find a problem I don't want to solve, or a solution I'd rather not implement.

Lent

It's Ash Wednesday today. I grew up in a small church that didn't follow the church year very closely, only really celebrating Easter and Christmas. I remember one year our Sunday School teacher actually lit an advent wreath and told us what each candle meant. I thought it was positively exotic. So during my life I have been all over the map with how I observe Lent, or how I don't. I seem to have settled somewhere in the middle. Jack is giving up chocolate, among other things. Every year he gives up chocolate, his favorite treat. So every year I am mildly annoyed that he loses weight just by giving up this one little thing for a few weeks. I guess he must eat A LOT of chocolate.

I decided to give up computer games this year. Today alone has been enlightening. I should have counted every time I wandered into this room and sat down in this chair only to remember I can't do what I came here for. So I check my email again and leave. Why do you think I am even writing this now? I came in here again for my spider solitaire fix and thought I might as well do something. Just imagine the trouble I can get into with all the time I'm going to save! I did actual housework today. Maybe this will help me out of my winter funk. I'm not sure what any of this has to do with Lent. My initial intent was to be a better steward of my time, we'll see if I experience any spiritual growth or just have cleaner floors.