Slowly crawling out of my mood

It's wonderful what a day or two can do. Got home to see my parents this weekend. We practiced our new golf swings a bit and it was... okay. So things are looking up. I attended my 30 year class reunion. I am that old. My husband got to meet the small town high school crowd for the first time, an excellent cultural experience. I was dreading my Monday, but things worked out fairly well and now I am looking forward to my day off. I am trying to plan in my little brain how to make time for the things I really enjoy. A little knitting, journaling, golf practice, a walk. Things that calm me, that aren't cookies. I'm hoping if I give myself little happy breaks in the day I can minimize the meltdowns.

The honeymoon's over...

Not in my marriage. It's the golf. Got my new clubs Saturday and we took in 9 holes to try them out. It was horrible. Jack assures me that it will take time to get used to them and all the new tips I got last week. I guess that makes sense. But as usual, he just refuses to see the full extent of my hopelessness. Oh well. We had our lesson Wednesday night, and that was very helpful. I learned some more new things that worked very well, and I'm sure it will again all fall apart the next time we go to the range.

Welcome to my fall! I am vitamin D deficient, like the rest of Wisconsin, and the doc put me on a prescription supplement. It seemed to give me a little more energy, and I thought it would get me through the fall and winter with less pessimism. But it seems pessimism is what I do best. I feel overwhelmed and inadequate at work. But last year when I was laid off I felt overwhelmed and inadequate because I wasn't making any money. So there is just no pleasing me. So is it seasonal affective disorder, perimenopause, deep insecurity or just whining? I suspect a big dose of all the above.

Sorry, It's Another Golf Analogy

I shouldn't wait for inspiration to write, but I am a bit inspired so I will take advantage of it.

My lovely husband decided I should have new golf clubs for my birthday. I needed to be convinced. I was afraid I was too wildly uncoordinated and inconsistent to benefit from being fitted for big girl clubs. I was also afraid of embarrassing myself in front of a professional. I prefer to embarrass myself in front of my loved ones. But I took a deep breath, promised myself I wouldn't curse or cry, and off we went.

After a few warm up swings the pro asked me, "Do you want some advice?" Being a polite and compliant child, I answered "Yes, please." He began to move my finger here, my thumb there and changed my stance. He gave me one thing to think about during the swing. "Now try it."

At this point the voice inside my head started to whine. "But, I used to stand like this and it didn't work! I feel like I'm falling forward! My thumb feels really weird there and I'm afraid the club's gonna fly out of my hand! You can't possibly know the depths of my physical ineptitude, so how can you help me?" But I had determined to be a grownup today, so I said nothing and swung.

Of course, you know what happened next. A miracle. On the very first try. He was right; I was wrong. I didn't know I could hit a shot like that unless the planets were correctly aligned.


I know I need help from others, much as it hurts my pride. The shocker for me is how tightly I cling to the familiar even when I know it doesn't work. But randomly jumping to anything new probably won't help. When change is necessary, get counsel from someone who knows what they're talking about, or you'll just waste more time and effort. Jack and I were so convinced we signed up for a real lesson.

My new clubs are pretty sweet, too.