Cooking with Sandy

Did you know that if you try to steam vegetables and forget to put in the water it smells very bad?

I used to be smarter.

Bees

I guess the nice part of fall is over. I always eye the beautiful foliage with a little suspicion, because I know winter is coming, and I'm a glass-half-empty sort of girl. The gorgeous sunny days lasted for a long time this year, but today it is windy, rainy, crappy. Last night we took all the plants and furniture off the deck in preparation for the wind that was predicted. We had taken the umbrella down before a storm weeks ago and just laid it on the deck. Now I carried it into the garage, and with it a swarm of bees who had decided to winter over there, I suppose. Our fault for leaving things lying around! I will never be arrested for neatness. We took the umbrella and its cold, sluggish tenants back outside, sprayed it with harmful chemicals and shoved it under a bench so it won't blow away. We'll deal with it again in a day or two....

Here's something to look forward to in November: the day after election day! No more commercials; no more phone calls. Does anyone ever really decide who to vote for based on an annoying recorded phone call or a biased, fear-mongering TV ad? Both parties are guilty. I know political campaigns have always been negative, but I wish they would give us a little credit for having some brains. So on November 2 I will happily exercise my right and responsibility, and the winners and losers will shut up for a while.

I am feeling sorry for the poor bees.

Slowly crawling out of my mood

It's wonderful what a day or two can do. Got home to see my parents this weekend. We practiced our new golf swings a bit and it was... okay. So things are looking up. I attended my 30 year class reunion. I am that old. My husband got to meet the small town high school crowd for the first time, an excellent cultural experience. I was dreading my Monday, but things worked out fairly well and now I am looking forward to my day off. I am trying to plan in my little brain how to make time for the things I really enjoy. A little knitting, journaling, golf practice, a walk. Things that calm me, that aren't cookies. I'm hoping if I give myself little happy breaks in the day I can minimize the meltdowns.

The honeymoon's over...

Not in my marriage. It's the golf. Got my new clubs Saturday and we took in 9 holes to try them out. It was horrible. Jack assures me that it will take time to get used to them and all the new tips I got last week. I guess that makes sense. But as usual, he just refuses to see the full extent of my hopelessness. Oh well. We had our lesson Wednesday night, and that was very helpful. I learned some more new things that worked very well, and I'm sure it will again all fall apart the next time we go to the range.

Welcome to my fall! I am vitamin D deficient, like the rest of Wisconsin, and the doc put me on a prescription supplement. It seemed to give me a little more energy, and I thought it would get me through the fall and winter with less pessimism. But it seems pessimism is what I do best. I feel overwhelmed and inadequate at work. But last year when I was laid off I felt overwhelmed and inadequate because I wasn't making any money. So there is just no pleasing me. So is it seasonal affective disorder, perimenopause, deep insecurity or just whining? I suspect a big dose of all the above.

Sorry, It's Another Golf Analogy

I shouldn't wait for inspiration to write, but I am a bit inspired so I will take advantage of it.

My lovely husband decided I should have new golf clubs for my birthday. I needed to be convinced. I was afraid I was too wildly uncoordinated and inconsistent to benefit from being fitted for big girl clubs. I was also afraid of embarrassing myself in front of a professional. I prefer to embarrass myself in front of my loved ones. But I took a deep breath, promised myself I wouldn't curse or cry, and off we went.

After a few warm up swings the pro asked me, "Do you want some advice?" Being a polite and compliant child, I answered "Yes, please." He began to move my finger here, my thumb there and changed my stance. He gave me one thing to think about during the swing. "Now try it."

At this point the voice inside my head started to whine. "But, I used to stand like this and it didn't work! I feel like I'm falling forward! My thumb feels really weird there and I'm afraid the club's gonna fly out of my hand! You can't possibly know the depths of my physical ineptitude, so how can you help me?" But I had determined to be a grownup today, so I said nothing and swung.

Of course, you know what happened next. A miracle. On the very first try. He was right; I was wrong. I didn't know I could hit a shot like that unless the planets were correctly aligned.


I know I need help from others, much as it hurts my pride. The shocker for me is how tightly I cling to the familiar even when I know it doesn't work. But randomly jumping to anything new probably won't help. When change is necessary, get counsel from someone who knows what they're talking about, or you'll just waste more time and effort. Jack and I were so convinced we signed up for a real lesson.

My new clubs are pretty sweet, too.

A Post to Relieve Blog Neglect Guilt

This post is long overdue. I still have nothing well-developed to share, but the point of my blogging is to get in the habit of writing and not worry about it.

The maternity leave I covered for is done, and my workload went way down about 2 weeks ago. I am completely ready to embrace sleeping in again. I do have a little work here and there but I don't know if that will continue. So I have been getting back into some things I'd neglected around the house. How do people work full time and do ANYTHING else?

I've been sorting my sewing paraphernalia and starting to get things organized in my nearly-finished sewing room. I have been enjoying ironing all my fabric. Bet that's the first time I ever put those words together. The fun part has really been finding fabric I forgot I had and falling in love with it all over again.

I've been trying to eat right, but not right enough, often enough. My exercise habits have been sporadic. Most of my walks have been golf-related, which means only about once a week. And the golf hasn't been stellar either.

I fought a good fight trying to keep the robins from nesting under the deck most of the summer, but in the last week or two I developed a false sense of security and the little buggers beat me. Two nests. Eggs already, so I can't move them. Yeah, I know, the beauty of nature; the circle of life. That's fine unless you're trying to enjoy your deck and the robins are squawking and diving at you because you're too close to the babies. Are there no trees?

Always a model of procrastination, I had my annual checkup today, three years after the last one. I am looking forward to my blood test results. I've had a lot of friends tell me stories lately of how they found out they were deficient in this or that, started treatment, and now they feel GRRREAT. Hooray, saved from middle age by chemistry!

I suppose if I would write more often than every 3 months this would be more cohesive, but not necessarily. I'll give it a shot anyway. Soon.

Signs of Spring

Two weeks ago I was packing for a quilt retreat. I spent 3 lovely days at a camp near Elderon working on several unfinished objects. I got a lot accomplished and learned so much from the other quilters. These women are hardcore; they do it all and do it well. It was a huge help to learn new tricks and push through some sticky spots and uncertainty. I still have plenty of finishing to do, though! These are two of the projects I was working on. I will do updates when they're all done. Yes, they will be all done.

I had a message from work when I got home. I was called back and had to hit the ground running. I was expecting to work during my co worker's maternity leave, but it came sooner than I thought. Mom and baby are doing fine. I am doing okay now myself, things being all about me of course, but I never worked this much for this company when I was a "regular." They are unusually busy right now. So I hope I can squirrel away some cash for the next slow season, whenever that is.

The weather has been fantastic. I know, we need rain, but I am very happy about the warmth. I have even started walking at the arboretum again. Today was my 3rd trip, and I saw my first snake of the year. I thought I had a little more time. It was a tiny garter snake lying still at the edge of the path. This time I didn't jump or scream; I started talking baby talk to it. I was worried about the poor little thing. I prodded it with a stick and it rolled over and played dead. Well, I think it was playing. I lifted it into the grass off the path, so it would have a fighting chance. I hope it's okay. I am a little concerned that I have such compassion for a snake. We'll see how I feel the next time one slithers across my path.

And now Easter has come. A wonderful season, a wonderful love I can't wrap my head around. Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift!

March Madness

My bracket stinks.


I should tell you that I know nothing about basketball. I never, ever watch it unless I go to somebody's kid's high school game. So the state of my bracket should come as no surprise.


A few years ago, I was presented with an empty bracket by the man I would later marry. I didn't know what to make of it. "I don't know anything about basketball," I pleaded. "Just guess," he said. "Everybody just guesses." That year my bracket stank (stunk?), too. And the year after that. But one bright and shining March, I think it was 2007, I won. The whole thing. I defeated all the friends, relatives and coworkers who actually knew what was going on. Some of them even studied for this! And they were beaten by a girl and her dumb, random luck. It was a lovely thing.


In the last two years I have come close, top four or five, but I haven't won again. Statistically, I have had my lifetime share of big dumb luck moments. So unless I actually learn something about this sport, and probably even if I do, I will never win again. But I will fill out that stupid bracket every year. I had a little taste of victory and I liked it. You just never know.

Ouch, Thinking is Hard

Okay, I don't know about spiritual growth yet, but I am seeing some very strange things in my life without spider solitaire. I seem to have stopped wandering in here to play, but I find myself casting about for substitutes. I have been showing up at the frig more than usual. I'm watching boring and silly things on TV which I would not normally tolerate. I am surfing the web for just about anything. Hey, I tell myself, I like knitting, I'll search for free patterns online! So I spend an hour looking at sweaters although I don't especially want to knit one (did find two nice ones in spite of myself).

I have done some productive things around the house as well as a little good reading, but I am surprised how hard I work trying to distract myself from thinking. I have the gift of time to work through my ongoing midlife/career/creative crisis and I am avoiding it. The puzzle games are more fun because if you persevere you can solve them. Get the Right Answer. There are no guarantees like that in life. Maybe I'm afraid I'll find a problem I don't want to solve, or a solution I'd rather not implement.

Lent

It's Ash Wednesday today. I grew up in a small church that didn't follow the church year very closely, only really celebrating Easter and Christmas. I remember one year our Sunday School teacher actually lit an advent wreath and told us what each candle meant. I thought it was positively exotic. So during my life I have been all over the map with how I observe Lent, or how I don't. I seem to have settled somewhere in the middle. Jack is giving up chocolate, among other things. Every year he gives up chocolate, his favorite treat. So every year I am mildly annoyed that he loses weight just by giving up this one little thing for a few weeks. I guess he must eat A LOT of chocolate.

I decided to give up computer games this year. Today alone has been enlightening. I should have counted every time I wandered into this room and sat down in this chair only to remember I can't do what I came here for. So I check my email again and leave. Why do you think I am even writing this now? I came in here again for my spider solitaire fix and thought I might as well do something. Just imagine the trouble I can get into with all the time I'm going to save! I did actual housework today. Maybe this will help me out of my winter funk. I'm not sure what any of this has to do with Lent. My initial intent was to be a better steward of my time, we'll see if I experience any spiritual growth or just have cleaner floors.

Football

I grew up in western Wisconsin.

I do not like the team across the river.

This is the happiest day of my life.

Well, top 5, at least.

Winter blahs

Christmas is over, and as of last weekend I am also done with Christmas parties. It was time. However, it is still winter. I used to like winter, many years ago, before I had my own driveway. That robbed it of all charm. I am trying to be proactive this year, so I'm brainstorming things to do to get through another winter. My list so far:

Take vitamin D. I don't know if it helps, but it's supposed to, so at least there may be some placebo effect.

Knit.

See how many socks you can wear on each foot.

Turn on all the lights.

Complain.

Wear fingerless gloves in the house. It keeps your hands warmer and makes you feel bohemian.

If the sun comes out, sit in the window like a cat.

Whine.

Exercise. Yell at the mean lady in the workout DVD. She likes it; it validates her.

Drink lots of coffee. It makes you feel so much happier.

Clean something. If you need inspiration, watch that show about hoarders.

Read something that doesn't require much thought.

Watch 24 and be glad Jack Bauer is not mad at you.

Mope.

Watch American Idol. Imagine that Jack Bauer is a guest judge.

Start a blog post. Decide it's going nowhere and delete it.

Start another post. Leave computer, allowing husband to accidentally delete it.

Spend quality time trying to figure out where your post went.

You may watch Martha, but if you find yourself jotting down a recipe, it is time to back away.

Research the cost of living in Arizona.

Grumble.

Finish the basement. Winter will fly by, as the project will seem to take several years. Oh, right, it is taking several years.

Try to remember that you do, after all, have a home and are therefore rich compared to much of the world. Maybe a little less complaining would be okay. Make a nice cup of tea and get over yourself.