TV Wars

My computer has been in the shop for two weeks. There may be some technical term I should use instead of "in the shop" when discussing computers but I am not aware of it. At any rate, I am sitting on the couch with my husband while he watches some sort of American Pawn Storage Auction Picker Wars show, as he is frequently inclined. This is usually my cue to retreat to the office and play with the computer. Since that's not an option, I'm still on the couch with my nook color, typing a post with one finger. So this won't be long. There are a lot of things I don't understand about these shows. The appeal of buying and selling junk. Driving across the country trying to make a $20 profit on a rusty doorknob. Why these shows are on the History Channel. Why this man, having barns piled to the rafters with questionable treasures, is being affirmed for his life choices while his cosmic twin on TLC is the focus of a hoarding intervention. "That guy is on the wrong show," I helpfully point out to Jack. We both miss the computer.

Something Old

About twenty years ago, I bought a treadle sewing machine for $25 because I thought it looked cool, and I liked old things. I managed to unfreeze it and fit it with a belt so it turned. But I didn't know how to find the correct presser foot or needle, so it remained a quaint plant stand for a while. After some time I discovered that the Internet was a thing, and there were all sorts of crazy sewing machine enthusiasts in the world. I started doing a little research with my treadle in mind, but soon fell into the abyss of vintage sewing machines in general. The treadle waited. In my quest for knowledge and more Singers, I stumbled across the missing foot and needles, but never put all the pieces together.

Until this January. In the process of organizing my sewing room, I reintroduced the old girl, a Singer 9W, to her missing parts and some oil. I found a threading diagram and gave it a shot. In her shock, she produced about half an inch of confused bobbin tension, then collected herself and sewed a beautiful seam with no adjustment needed. "It's about time," she said. I have no idea how long she sat idle before I bought her, but she was always ready to do what she was made for, and do it very well. That's why I love old machines.

Dad

My Dad passed away December 23, 2010 at 3:56 in the morning.

Dad had an iliac aneurysm rupture on December 7th. It was remarkable, if not miraculous, that he lived long enough for the ambulance to get to the house, beside the 25 mile trip to the hospital, and a helicopter ride to Rochester. The surgeon repaired the ruptured aneurysm, as well as an abdominal aortic aneurysm we had known about for some time. I raced home and was so relieved; his recovery was amazing. Six days later he was discharged to a nursing home to get stronger before returning home. My sister-in-law is a nurse there, and we were happy to have him closer to home with family keeping an eye on him.

After being transferred, Dad felt worse. Despite being very independent and as active as possible, he had multiple health problems for years - bad heart, bad lungs, constant pain from shingles over 2 years ago. On the morning of the 21st, he decided he was going to "cross Jordan today." I hurried back across the state again, afraid I wouldn't make it in time, but I did. In fact we were able to spend another day and a half with him. He talked, joked, prayed, slept. He told us, "Never give up on God." He was lucid most of the time, not always. He said his pain was gone, and he was breathing better than he had in years. Thursday morning the breaths just started coming farther apart. We were with him when he went home.

I have a lot of stories about things that happened in those last few days that demonstrated God's faithfulness and love, to Dad and to the rest of us. But they're too hard to go into right now, and some of them sound downright crazy. I will settle for saying a couple things I know for sure. I had a wonderful Dad. He always spent time with us, played with us, was interested in our lives, told us he loved us. Now he is home. I miss him so much, but I will see him again.

Cooking with Sandy

Did you know that if you try to steam vegetables and forget to put in the water it smells very bad?

I used to be smarter.

Bees

I guess the nice part of fall is over. I always eye the beautiful foliage with a little suspicion, because I know winter is coming, and I'm a glass-half-empty sort of girl. The gorgeous sunny days lasted for a long time this year, but today it is windy, rainy, crappy. Last night we took all the plants and furniture off the deck in preparation for the wind that was predicted. We had taken the umbrella down before a storm weeks ago and just laid it on the deck. Now I carried it into the garage, and with it a swarm of bees who had decided to winter over there, I suppose. Our fault for leaving things lying around! I will never be arrested for neatness. We took the umbrella and its cold, sluggish tenants back outside, sprayed it with harmful chemicals and shoved it under a bench so it won't blow away. We'll deal with it again in a day or two....

Here's something to look forward to in November: the day after election day! No more commercials; no more phone calls. Does anyone ever really decide who to vote for based on an annoying recorded phone call or a biased, fear-mongering TV ad? Both parties are guilty. I know political campaigns have always been negative, but I wish they would give us a little credit for having some brains. So on November 2 I will happily exercise my right and responsibility, and the winners and losers will shut up for a while.

I am feeling sorry for the poor bees.

Slowly crawling out of my mood

It's wonderful what a day or two can do. Got home to see my parents this weekend. We practiced our new golf swings a bit and it was... okay. So things are looking up. I attended my 30 year class reunion. I am that old. My husband got to meet the small town high school crowd for the first time, an excellent cultural experience. I was dreading my Monday, but things worked out fairly well and now I am looking forward to my day off. I am trying to plan in my little brain how to make time for the things I really enjoy. A little knitting, journaling, golf practice, a walk. Things that calm me, that aren't cookies. I'm hoping if I give myself little happy breaks in the day I can minimize the meltdowns.

The honeymoon's over...

Not in my marriage. It's the golf. Got my new clubs Saturday and we took in 9 holes to try them out. It was horrible. Jack assures me that it will take time to get used to them and all the new tips I got last week. I guess that makes sense. But as usual, he just refuses to see the full extent of my hopelessness. Oh well. We had our lesson Wednesday night, and that was very helpful. I learned some more new things that worked very well, and I'm sure it will again all fall apart the next time we go to the range.

Welcome to my fall! I am vitamin D deficient, like the rest of Wisconsin, and the doc put me on a prescription supplement. It seemed to give me a little more energy, and I thought it would get me through the fall and winter with less pessimism. But it seems pessimism is what I do best. I feel overwhelmed and inadequate at work. But last year when I was laid off I felt overwhelmed and inadequate because I wasn't making any money. So there is just no pleasing me. So is it seasonal affective disorder, perimenopause, deep insecurity or just whining? I suspect a big dose of all the above.

Sorry, It's Another Golf Analogy

I shouldn't wait for inspiration to write, but I am a bit inspired so I will take advantage of it.

My lovely husband decided I should have new golf clubs for my birthday. I needed to be convinced. I was afraid I was too wildly uncoordinated and inconsistent to benefit from being fitted for big girl clubs. I was also afraid of embarrassing myself in front of a professional. I prefer to embarrass myself in front of my loved ones. But I took a deep breath, promised myself I wouldn't curse or cry, and off we went.

After a few warm up swings the pro asked me, "Do you want some advice?" Being a polite and compliant child, I answered "Yes, please." He began to move my finger here, my thumb there and changed my stance. He gave me one thing to think about during the swing. "Now try it."

At this point the voice inside my head started to whine. "But, I used to stand like this and it didn't work! I feel like I'm falling forward! My thumb feels really weird there and I'm afraid the club's gonna fly out of my hand! You can't possibly know the depths of my physical ineptitude, so how can you help me?" But I had determined to be a grownup today, so I said nothing and swung.

Of course, you know what happened next. A miracle. On the very first try. He was right; I was wrong. I didn't know I could hit a shot like that unless the planets were correctly aligned.


I know I need help from others, much as it hurts my pride. The shocker for me is how tightly I cling to the familiar even when I know it doesn't work. But randomly jumping to anything new probably won't help. When change is necessary, get counsel from someone who knows what they're talking about, or you'll just waste more time and effort. Jack and I were so convinced we signed up for a real lesson.

My new clubs are pretty sweet, too.

A Post to Relieve Blog Neglect Guilt

This post is long overdue. I still have nothing well-developed to share, but the point of my blogging is to get in the habit of writing and not worry about it.

The maternity leave I covered for is done, and my workload went way down about 2 weeks ago. I am completely ready to embrace sleeping in again. I do have a little work here and there but I don't know if that will continue. So I have been getting back into some things I'd neglected around the house. How do people work full time and do ANYTHING else?

I've been sorting my sewing paraphernalia and starting to get things organized in my nearly-finished sewing room. I have been enjoying ironing all my fabric. Bet that's the first time I ever put those words together. The fun part has really been finding fabric I forgot I had and falling in love with it all over again.

I've been trying to eat right, but not right enough, often enough. My exercise habits have been sporadic. Most of my walks have been golf-related, which means only about once a week. And the golf hasn't been stellar either.

I fought a good fight trying to keep the robins from nesting under the deck most of the summer, but in the last week or two I developed a false sense of security and the little buggers beat me. Two nests. Eggs already, so I can't move them. Yeah, I know, the beauty of nature; the circle of life. That's fine unless you're trying to enjoy your deck and the robins are squawking and diving at you because you're too close to the babies. Are there no trees?

Always a model of procrastination, I had my annual checkup today, three years after the last one. I am looking forward to my blood test results. I've had a lot of friends tell me stories lately of how they found out they were deficient in this or that, started treatment, and now they feel GRRREAT. Hooray, saved from middle age by chemistry!

I suppose if I would write more often than every 3 months this would be more cohesive, but not necessarily. I'll give it a shot anyway. Soon.

Signs of Spring

Two weeks ago I was packing for a quilt retreat. I spent 3 lovely days at a camp near Elderon working on several unfinished objects. I got a lot accomplished and learned so much from the other quilters. These women are hardcore; they do it all and do it well. It was a huge help to learn new tricks and push through some sticky spots and uncertainty. I still have plenty of finishing to do, though! These are two of the projects I was working on. I will do updates when they're all done. Yes, they will be all done.

I had a message from work when I got home. I was called back and had to hit the ground running. I was expecting to work during my co worker's maternity leave, but it came sooner than I thought. Mom and baby are doing fine. I am doing okay now myself, things being all about me of course, but I never worked this much for this company when I was a "regular." They are unusually busy right now. So I hope I can squirrel away some cash for the next slow season, whenever that is.

The weather has been fantastic. I know, we need rain, but I am very happy about the warmth. I have even started walking at the arboretum again. Today was my 3rd trip, and I saw my first snake of the year. I thought I had a little more time. It was a tiny garter snake lying still at the edge of the path. This time I didn't jump or scream; I started talking baby talk to it. I was worried about the poor little thing. I prodded it with a stick and it rolled over and played dead. Well, I think it was playing. I lifted it into the grass off the path, so it would have a fighting chance. I hope it's okay. I am a little concerned that I have such compassion for a snake. We'll see how I feel the next time one slithers across my path.

And now Easter has come. A wonderful season, a wonderful love I can't wrap my head around. Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift!

March Madness

My bracket stinks.


I should tell you that I know nothing about basketball. I never, ever watch it unless I go to somebody's kid's high school game. So the state of my bracket should come as no surprise.


A few years ago, I was presented with an empty bracket by the man I would later marry. I didn't know what to make of it. "I don't know anything about basketball," I pleaded. "Just guess," he said. "Everybody just guesses." That year my bracket stank (stunk?), too. And the year after that. But one bright and shining March, I think it was 2007, I won. The whole thing. I defeated all the friends, relatives and coworkers who actually knew what was going on. Some of them even studied for this! And they were beaten by a girl and her dumb, random luck. It was a lovely thing.


In the last two years I have come close, top four or five, but I haven't won again. Statistically, I have had my lifetime share of big dumb luck moments. So unless I actually learn something about this sport, and probably even if I do, I will never win again. But I will fill out that stupid bracket every year. I had a little taste of victory and I liked it. You just never know.

Ouch, Thinking is Hard

Okay, I don't know about spiritual growth yet, but I am seeing some very strange things in my life without spider solitaire. I seem to have stopped wandering in here to play, but I find myself casting about for substitutes. I have been showing up at the frig more than usual. I'm watching boring and silly things on TV which I would not normally tolerate. I am surfing the web for just about anything. Hey, I tell myself, I like knitting, I'll search for free patterns online! So I spend an hour looking at sweaters although I don't especially want to knit one (did find two nice ones in spite of myself).

I have done some productive things around the house as well as a little good reading, but I am surprised how hard I work trying to distract myself from thinking. I have the gift of time to work through my ongoing midlife/career/creative crisis and I am avoiding it. The puzzle games are more fun because if you persevere you can solve them. Get the Right Answer. There are no guarantees like that in life. Maybe I'm afraid I'll find a problem I don't want to solve, or a solution I'd rather not implement.

Lent

It's Ash Wednesday today. I grew up in a small church that didn't follow the church year very closely, only really celebrating Easter and Christmas. I remember one year our Sunday School teacher actually lit an advent wreath and told us what each candle meant. I thought it was positively exotic. So during my life I have been all over the map with how I observe Lent, or how I don't. I seem to have settled somewhere in the middle. Jack is giving up chocolate, among other things. Every year he gives up chocolate, his favorite treat. So every year I am mildly annoyed that he loses weight just by giving up this one little thing for a few weeks. I guess he must eat A LOT of chocolate.

I decided to give up computer games this year. Today alone has been enlightening. I should have counted every time I wandered into this room and sat down in this chair only to remember I can't do what I came here for. So I check my email again and leave. Why do you think I am even writing this now? I came in here again for my spider solitaire fix and thought I might as well do something. Just imagine the trouble I can get into with all the time I'm going to save! I did actual housework today. Maybe this will help me out of my winter funk. I'm not sure what any of this has to do with Lent. My initial intent was to be a better steward of my time, we'll see if I experience any spiritual growth or just have cleaner floors.

Football

I grew up in western Wisconsin.

I do not like the team across the river.

This is the happiest day of my life.

Well, top 5, at least.

Winter blahs

Christmas is over, and as of last weekend I am also done with Christmas parties. It was time. However, it is still winter. I used to like winter, many years ago, before I had my own driveway. That robbed it of all charm. I am trying to be proactive this year, so I'm brainstorming things to do to get through another winter. My list so far:

Take vitamin D. I don't know if it helps, but it's supposed to, so at least there may be some placebo effect.

Knit.

See how many socks you can wear on each foot.

Turn on all the lights.

Complain.

Wear fingerless gloves in the house. It keeps your hands warmer and makes you feel bohemian.

If the sun comes out, sit in the window like a cat.

Whine.

Exercise. Yell at the mean lady in the workout DVD. She likes it; it validates her.

Drink lots of coffee. It makes you feel so much happier.

Clean something. If you need inspiration, watch that show about hoarders.

Read something that doesn't require much thought.

Watch 24 and be glad Jack Bauer is not mad at you.

Mope.

Watch American Idol. Imagine that Jack Bauer is a guest judge.

Start a blog post. Decide it's going nowhere and delete it.

Start another post. Leave computer, allowing husband to accidentally delete it.

Spend quality time trying to figure out where your post went.

You may watch Martha, but if you find yourself jotting down a recipe, it is time to back away.

Research the cost of living in Arizona.

Grumble.

Finish the basement. Winter will fly by, as the project will seem to take several years. Oh, right, it is taking several years.

Try to remember that you do, after all, have a home and are therefore rich compared to much of the world. Maybe a little less complaining would be okay. Make a nice cup of tea and get over yourself.

A little progress

I did manage to get some socks done the other week. Not all of them, but I finished two pairs plus one sock. I finally dominated that lace pattern, so there. Yes, it is long, but I wanted to use up the yarn. And yes, it is stretchy.

I love the fact that it has been "unseasonably warm" the past couple weeks. What a lovely phrase. After an entire year of unseasonably cool, I am all for this. I don't care about a white Christmas, I just want the warm. I know it probably won't last another week, so I will have to enjoy it while I can.

Socks, or Why I Don't Rule the World

My cousin had surgery Tuesday. Tomorrow I am going to pick her up from the hospital and spend a week with her as she recovers. I taught her to knit about a year ago, and since then she has taught another cousin! I have a grandchild! I'm digging around the house today to find some projects to work on while I'm there. Out of all the unfinished things stashed here, I'm trying to focus on socks.

I have been knitting socks for about 3 years. The yarn sucked me in. Sometimes you want a little bit of a pretty color or a striping yarn just to see how it looks knitted up, and you can always use another pair of socks. They are a minor commitment compared to a sweater or afghan. They are small and portable. They're the easiest way to justify a yarn purchase, especially since I rarely wear the hats I've made.

If socks are so quick and low-maintenance, why do I have 4 pairs to finish at this moment? Only one of them is complicated (it's that raspberry one, and I will figure out what's wrong with that lace pattern this week if I have to hurt somebody). I think the problem is all the nice yarn that is begging to be made into socks. I want to start with every new yarn, just a little bit, so it knows I haven't forgotten. Hopefully I can get most of these sad little unpaired pairs finished so I can concentrate on the new kids when I get home. The afghans are another story.

I wish it were only knitting. But it's quilting, reading, writing, cleaning the closet and figuring out what I want to be when I grow up. I don't think I'll fix all that in a week at my cousin's house. Maybe some socks and a book? Ruling the world is out of the question. It would be nice to be the boss of my yarn, though. I guess that will be my short-term goal.

October in a nutshell

I haven't posted in a month and I have no excuse. I haven't been particularly busy. I haven't even worked in the last two months. My company put me on "prn" status, which means "as needed," which apparently means "not needed" in this case. So I am trying to be productive doing other things. I am finding I do not do well in an unstructured environment. More accurately, I do just fine, being intrinsically lazy, but I don't like the part where nothing gets accomplished. So I will pull myself up by my bootstraps and set some goals, or the coming winter will turn me into a big groggy blob.

The weekend of October 17 my brother and his family came for a visit. We gave them the whirlwind tour of the lower half of Door County. I had to include Cave Point County Park because it's a great place to see even if your time is limited. It was chilly but beautiful.

This is my brother Scott's lovely family. Jackie, the kids (Sabrina and Joshua) and I went to the Detroit game Sunday while Scott and Jack took advantage of the nice day and did a little golfing.

Today is another gorgeous fall day if you don't mind the cold. This is how my cats are spending their time. A fly found its way in out of the cold and is now regretting that decision. Great, an interactive toy. I haven't been able to find the laser pointer for a month so that works well. There's another goal for the list: Clean out the nooks and crannies I throw stuff into when I'm "fake cleaning."

What Happened in Vegas

We returned Sunday night from our trip to Las Vegas. I was a first-timer. My sister-in-law got a great deal for 6 of us at the Bellagio. I was glad to be there with people who knew where to go, and where not to go! We were so busy I didn't even knit! I had a good time sightseeing and enjoying temps in the 90's. The fountains at Bellagio were a highlight, as well as all the beautiful hotels. The flowers in the lobby of the Wynn were gorgeous.

One night we got a couple desserts to take up to the room. For once something this pretty tasted even better than it looked:

Unfortunately Jack got a cold which did not stay in Vegas. I'd go back again, but not right away. There are a lot more naturally beautiful places on my wish list. Maybe we'll go some winter when I really need to soak up that sun.

Peace

Today my nature walk came complete with the usual squirrels and chipmunks, two rabbits, three golf balls, a swimming muskrat and, oh yes, a snake. A new variety this time, a tiny gray snake who was just lying on the gravel, playing possum I suppose. I prodded it with a stick to get it to move off into the grass where I imagined it would be safer. Maybe the real desire of my heart is to be a herpetologist. But I doubt it. Thankfully this one was so little and slow-moving that I didn't jump.
Last month I asked whether hardship is really the path to peace. I looked up some things the Bible says about peace and my short answer is "No." My search was by no means exhaustive, but I got a review of a few truths I seemed to have forgotten. Peace is fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Jesus gives us His peace (John 14:27). He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast (Isaiah 26:3). I kept getting the message that peace is a gift and it comes from God.
I did find some evidence of hardship bringing peace: The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him (Isaiah 53:5), and He made peace through His blood (Colossians 1:20). So He took the hardship upon Himself and makes the peace available to us as a gift.
As usual, I think I was asking the wrong question. We will all walk the path of hardship to some extent. But it won't bring peace of itself. Hardship will happen; peace is available. The only source is Jesus.