Dad

My Dad passed away December 23, 2010 at 3:56 in the morning.

Dad had an iliac aneurysm rupture on December 7th. It was remarkable, if not miraculous, that he lived long enough for the ambulance to get to the house, beside the 25 mile trip to the hospital, and a helicopter ride to Rochester. The surgeon repaired the ruptured aneurysm, as well as an abdominal aortic aneurysm we had known about for some time. I raced home and was so relieved; his recovery was amazing. Six days later he was discharged to a nursing home to get stronger before returning home. My sister-in-law is a nurse there, and we were happy to have him closer to home with family keeping an eye on him.

After being transferred, Dad felt worse. Despite being very independent and as active as possible, he had multiple health problems for years - bad heart, bad lungs, constant pain from shingles over 2 years ago. On the morning of the 21st, he decided he was going to "cross Jordan today." I hurried back across the state again, afraid I wouldn't make it in time, but I did. In fact we were able to spend another day and a half with him. He talked, joked, prayed, slept. He told us, "Never give up on God." He was lucid most of the time, not always. He said his pain was gone, and he was breathing better than he had in years. Thursday morning the breaths just started coming farther apart. We were with him when he went home.

I have a lot of stories about things that happened in those last few days that demonstrated God's faithfulness and love, to Dad and to the rest of us. But they're too hard to go into right now, and some of them sound downright crazy. I will settle for saying a couple things I know for sure. I had a wonderful Dad. He always spent time with us, played with us, was interested in our lives, told us he loved us. Now he is home. I miss him so much, but I will see him again.

Cooking with Sandy

Did you know that if you try to steam vegetables and forget to put in the water it smells very bad?

I used to be smarter.

Bees

I guess the nice part of fall is over. I always eye the beautiful foliage with a little suspicion, because I know winter is coming, and I'm a glass-half-empty sort of girl. The gorgeous sunny days lasted for a long time this year, but today it is windy, rainy, crappy. Last night we took all the plants and furniture off the deck in preparation for the wind that was predicted. We had taken the umbrella down before a storm weeks ago and just laid it on the deck. Now I carried it into the garage, and with it a swarm of bees who had decided to winter over there, I suppose. Our fault for leaving things lying around! I will never be arrested for neatness. We took the umbrella and its cold, sluggish tenants back outside, sprayed it with harmful chemicals and shoved it under a bench so it won't blow away. We'll deal with it again in a day or two....

Here's something to look forward to in November: the day after election day! No more commercials; no more phone calls. Does anyone ever really decide who to vote for based on an annoying recorded phone call or a biased, fear-mongering TV ad? Both parties are guilty. I know political campaigns have always been negative, but I wish they would give us a little credit for having some brains. So on November 2 I will happily exercise my right and responsibility, and the winners and losers will shut up for a while.

I am feeling sorry for the poor bees.

Slowly crawling out of my mood

It's wonderful what a day or two can do. Got home to see my parents this weekend. We practiced our new golf swings a bit and it was... okay. So things are looking up. I attended my 30 year class reunion. I am that old. My husband got to meet the small town high school crowd for the first time, an excellent cultural experience. I was dreading my Monday, but things worked out fairly well and now I am looking forward to my day off. I am trying to plan in my little brain how to make time for the things I really enjoy. A little knitting, journaling, golf practice, a walk. Things that calm me, that aren't cookies. I'm hoping if I give myself little happy breaks in the day I can minimize the meltdowns.

The honeymoon's over...

Not in my marriage. It's the golf. Got my new clubs Saturday and we took in 9 holes to try them out. It was horrible. Jack assures me that it will take time to get used to them and all the new tips I got last week. I guess that makes sense. But as usual, he just refuses to see the full extent of my hopelessness. Oh well. We had our lesson Wednesday night, and that was very helpful. I learned some more new things that worked very well, and I'm sure it will again all fall apart the next time we go to the range.

Welcome to my fall! I am vitamin D deficient, like the rest of Wisconsin, and the doc put me on a prescription supplement. It seemed to give me a little more energy, and I thought it would get me through the fall and winter with less pessimism. But it seems pessimism is what I do best. I feel overwhelmed and inadequate at work. But last year when I was laid off I felt overwhelmed and inadequate because I wasn't making any money. So there is just no pleasing me. So is it seasonal affective disorder, perimenopause, deep insecurity or just whining? I suspect a big dose of all the above.

Sorry, It's Another Golf Analogy

I shouldn't wait for inspiration to write, but I am a bit inspired so I will take advantage of it.

My lovely husband decided I should have new golf clubs for my birthday. I needed to be convinced. I was afraid I was too wildly uncoordinated and inconsistent to benefit from being fitted for big girl clubs. I was also afraid of embarrassing myself in front of a professional. I prefer to embarrass myself in front of my loved ones. But I took a deep breath, promised myself I wouldn't curse or cry, and off we went.

After a few warm up swings the pro asked me, "Do you want some advice?" Being a polite and compliant child, I answered "Yes, please." He began to move my finger here, my thumb there and changed my stance. He gave me one thing to think about during the swing. "Now try it."

At this point the voice inside my head started to whine. "But, I used to stand like this and it didn't work! I feel like I'm falling forward! My thumb feels really weird there and I'm afraid the club's gonna fly out of my hand! You can't possibly know the depths of my physical ineptitude, so how can you help me?" But I had determined to be a grownup today, so I said nothing and swung.

Of course, you know what happened next. A miracle. On the very first try. He was right; I was wrong. I didn't know I could hit a shot like that unless the planets were correctly aligned.


I know I need help from others, much as it hurts my pride. The shocker for me is how tightly I cling to the familiar even when I know it doesn't work. But randomly jumping to anything new probably won't help. When change is necessary, get counsel from someone who knows what they're talking about, or you'll just waste more time and effort. Jack and I were so convinced we signed up for a real lesson.

My new clubs are pretty sweet, too.

A Post to Relieve Blog Neglect Guilt

This post is long overdue. I still have nothing well-developed to share, but the point of my blogging is to get in the habit of writing and not worry about it.

The maternity leave I covered for is done, and my workload went way down about 2 weeks ago. I am completely ready to embrace sleeping in again. I do have a little work here and there but I don't know if that will continue. So I have been getting back into some things I'd neglected around the house. How do people work full time and do ANYTHING else?

I've been sorting my sewing paraphernalia and starting to get things organized in my nearly-finished sewing room. I have been enjoying ironing all my fabric. Bet that's the first time I ever put those words together. The fun part has really been finding fabric I forgot I had and falling in love with it all over again.

I've been trying to eat right, but not right enough, often enough. My exercise habits have been sporadic. Most of my walks have been golf-related, which means only about once a week. And the golf hasn't been stellar either.

I fought a good fight trying to keep the robins from nesting under the deck most of the summer, but in the last week or two I developed a false sense of security and the little buggers beat me. Two nests. Eggs already, so I can't move them. Yeah, I know, the beauty of nature; the circle of life. That's fine unless you're trying to enjoy your deck and the robins are squawking and diving at you because you're too close to the babies. Are there no trees?

Always a model of procrastination, I had my annual checkup today, three years after the last one. I am looking forward to my blood test results. I've had a lot of friends tell me stories lately of how they found out they were deficient in this or that, started treatment, and now they feel GRRREAT. Hooray, saved from middle age by chemistry!

I suppose if I would write more often than every 3 months this would be more cohesive, but not necessarily. I'll give it a shot anyway. Soon.